My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
