it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
