Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
