Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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