Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
