in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
