Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
