i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
