Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I believe in your delicious
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
