I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
The air was thick with penises
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
