These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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