i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
