She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
