I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
whose parrot is this?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
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