$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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