I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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