Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I don't think brook has ever known best
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
