I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
