i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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