this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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