Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
