it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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