So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
