I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
