I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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