3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
