my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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