Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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