Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
