I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
