Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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