Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
