a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
