i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
