I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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