hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
