Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
