you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
