No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
