it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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