exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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