she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
