Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
