Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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