we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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