singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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