she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
