i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
it was like eating out sand paper
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She told me I should be a condom model.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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