help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Say something about gay babies.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
