this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
